PS. 5, if your words are anything but support then go to hell. Dai suki.
Ah, well fuck you too then. since when has something like this stopped me?
Seems my upbeat and fun loving personality blended with laziness and extreme procrastination makes one hell of a problem.
Im not going to say i know how you feel, but i will tell you my take on this from personal experience. i regret the day i got my first computer. i can remember that christmas more clearly than any other. after that, the computer enveloped my life. back during high school i wan talented. i was 2 grade levels higher in math, with an ineptitude to get me into an "elite" program only offered at 2 schools in the state.
it was a joke. these classes which were suppose to be "advanced". didnt phase me at all. i was able to not only do homework in class, but also essays. term papers. presentations. anything. i rarely had homework. and usually when i did it was because i was relying on others. i did enter the chess club. i was a part of a boy scout troop. but those were the only 2 reasons i ever left my room. no social interaction outside of school, chess, and scouts. the computer ate me alive. i could spent endless days playing games because i had endless games and my parents money. i was getting good grade, but after that they did nothing.
i started going out with someone, believe it or not, because we had met at a chess tournament. she let me know...what life was like...outside of a computer screen. there is but one reason that the series "Kimi ga Nozomu Eien" is the hands down best anime series i have ever watched. It was the start of winter break, we had just finished our finals. that weekend we were to meet for a movie. i was late. there was a car accident that involved bystanders at a bus stop. if i were on time, we would have been able to hit the bus 15 mins beforehand. i quickly feel into depression. but, because my parents didnt know because i spent all of my time in my room, it was a miracle i didnt kill myself. it was at the start of winter break that i saw KgNE for the first time. of all times. she was and still is the only love of my life. no one has been the same...no one cares to rip me form my computer hell.
what did this teach me? fuck the world. what do i do here in college? keep such a large facade that no one gets close to me and i get close to no one. i still drown myself through the internet. i am only typing this because of anonymity. i have never told anyone in my life this story, or what she meant to me, or that i even had a girlfriend. most people think im still a virgin. i allow them to think that. i dont care. no one will ever hurt me like that again.
since entering college, i have failed at least one class every year. i have been on the verge of getting kicked out do to my grades. i have let drugs and insanity control my life. the only thing i havent done is give up. your life sucks right now kallen, there is no doubting it. the sole thought that kept me from going insane on several occasions is the fact that whatever i do, there will always be a tomorrow. i have friends, and whatever they can do to help me, they will. i have family, and they will unquestionably believe in me in whatever path i take in life.
Find what you hold dear. Hold it. Never let go of it. You will surpass all obstacles. There is a finish line. Reach it.
